Can I share with you what God has been teaching me this year?

He has been teaching me that I can hold the good and the bad things together. I can feel both great joy and a loss at the same time. I’m not limited to only feeling one thing at the same time.

Last December, I married the love of my life. It was an unexpected gift that the Lord gave me. After we were married, I was so happy that I could spend the rest of my life with Arthur. But there was also a sadness there. It was hard for me to accept that sadness at first. Let me explain.

I was one of the few women I knew who truly enjoyed my singleness. I loved that season of my life. I never felt like I was missing out because I felt fulfilled in my ministry. I didn’t like to say I was content; I was more than that. I was happy. Marriage wasn’t something I even desired. Then suddenly, this man entered my life and took me by surprise. He was the last thing I expected.

Do I regret marrying Arthur? Absolutely not. He has enriched my life in ways I didn’t think possible. Did that take away the sadness I felt walking out of a season I truly loved? No.

Accepting that my season as a single woman was over was hard. Even though I knew the next season would be exciting, it was hard to walk away from a season I loved so much. I wasn’t ready to give it up yet. During the beginning of our relationship, I constantly felt the Lord whispering to me, “It’s time to let go.” Once we were engaged, it set in that this season was coming to a close. A part of me wanted to grieve the end of that season, but I felt like I couldn’t.

It was something I talked so little about because it was supposed to be such a happy moment. Marriage is something most girls dream of. How could I feel sadness at a time like this? I felt a little crazy. How could I be so happy and sad at the same time? Was it possible to hold these two things together?

Humans are complex. We have a whole spectrum of emotions. We aren’t limited to one at a time. It is perfectly normal to feel more than one thing. Even though it can feel frustrating, it’s a beautiful thing. We see it over and over in the Psalms, this broad spectrum of human emotion poured out to the Lord. We see the authors feeling frustrated and discouraged and also holding onto hope.

I felt crazy in the moment, but it’s just part of being human. God made us with emotions. There was nothing wrong with what I was feeling, I just needed permission to feel. Maybe you need that, too.

There’s freedom in letting yourself feel. I spent many years trying to hold back my emotions, seeing them as an enemy. In reality, it’s part of being human. The Lord teaches us how to handle our emotions in a healthy way, but He never says to not feel them. Whatever we’re feeling, we can pour it out at His feet just like David did. In David’s hardest moments, he went to God and told Him everything he was feeling. We can do that same. Trust me, God is big enough to handle whatever we’re feeling. You can be free in His presence.

When I felt confused and unsure of all of these emotions, I went to Jesus. I sat at His feet and shared everything that was on my heart. I cried tears of gratitude and sadness. I talked to Him about my hopes for the future and my fears. I laid it all down at His feet. When I walked out of my room, my feelings weren’t gone but I understood them. The Lord quieted my heart and let me know that how I felt was perfectly okay. Maybe you need that reassurance.

It’s okay to grieve a season that’s ending. Even if the season you’re entering is beautiful, your sadness doesn’t make it less beautiful. You can be grateful for where you’re going while missing what you’re leaving behind. It’s like leaving home for the first time. Most people will always miss their childhood home, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t love your new home. Transition is a constant in life, especially a life in missions. Let yourself feel what you need to feel. Go to your Savior and tell Him everything you’re feeling. He’ll help you carry these emotions into the next season. He’ll help you to appreciate the season you’re in. And He’ll help you let go of a season you find so hard to leave behind.